Handling Black Taxing and Managing Family Expectations Abroad

For many Nigerians in the diaspora, the concept of "black taxing" the financial and emotional strain of supporting family and community back home is a familiar reality. It’s not just about sending money; it often comes with an overwhelming sense of obligation to support relatives who may begin to feel entitled to constant financial assistance once a family member makes it abroad.

Once a Nigerian relative successfully makes the leap abroad, the perception among family members often shifts. The person abroad is now seen as the "source of wealth," and there’s an unspoken assumption that they have an endless well of resources to tap into. While the intention to help is rooted in love and cultural expectation, it can quickly spiral into a sense of entitlement. Relatives might continuously demand money for various reasons be it school fees, medical bills, or even just day-to-day expenses.

While this request for help may start with small, occasional favors, it can evolve into an expectation that the family member abroad is responsible for supporting the household and extended family. As time passes, these requests can become relentless, often leading to financial and emotional exhaustion for the person abroad.

The moment you move abroad, you often become the go-to person for financial support. Family members may expect you to send money for school fees, medical bills, or even day-to-day living expenses. While the desire to support your loved ones is natural, it can sometimes feel overwhelming. This responsibility, often referred to as "black taxing," can put a strain on your finances, mental health, and overall well-being.

For the person abroad, this can feel like a never-ending pressure to provide. The weight of these constant demands can be overwhelming, especially when the expectation is that the family member abroad can just “send more” without considering the real costs of living in another country.

Setting Healthy Boundaries

One of the most crucial tools in managing black taxing and family expectations is learning how to set healthy boundaries. This doesn’t mean saying “no” every time someone asks for financial help, but it does mean having clear limits. Before sending money, ask yourself:

• Can I afford this without compromising my own needs?

• Is this request reasonable or sustainable in the long run?

• Have I already given to similar causes recently?

Being honest with your family about what you can and can’t do is vital. While it may be uncomfortable at first, transparency can lead to better understanding on both sides. And remember, setting boundaries isn't a sign of selfishness it’s a means of ensuring you remain financially stable to help in the future.

When you’re living abroad, you’re not just managing the cost of your own living expenses but also the exchange rate, taxes, and unexpected costs related to helping family. A well-thought-out budget is essential to ensure you can provide support without jeopardizing your own financial goals.

Offering Alternatives to Money

While financial help is often needed, emotional and logistical support can be just as valuable. Offering guidance, advice, and resources to help family members become more financially independent can go a long way. Encourage your family back home to explore local opportunities, such as small business ventures or skill development, that could reduce their reliance on remittances.

If you’re a parent or head of household, teaching your children or younger relatives about financial responsibility and setting them up for success can also be an important long-term solution.

Financial Planning and Budgeting

Consider creating a separate savings fund specifically for family support, so it doesn’t interfere with your other financial plans, like saving for retirement or building emergency funds. This approach not only allows you to give more sustainably but also helps you feel more in control of your finances.

Having a clear financial plan will also make it easier to communicate with your family. If they know you have a set budget for family support, they are more likely to respect the limits you set. Furthermore, budgeting ensures you can help when it's truly needed without constantly feeling overwhelmed by every request.

Dealing with Guilt and Pressure

One of the toughest challenges of being in the diaspora is dealing with the guilt of not being able to fulfill every request. You may feel guilty for not sending enough or not helping a relative in need, but it’s important to remember that you’re not responsible for everyone’s success. You can only help to the extent that your own situation allows.

Feeling pressure to meet everyone's demands can lead to burnout, both financially and emotionally. Finding ways to take care of your own mental health whether through connecting with fellow diasporans, practicing self-care, or seeking professional help can help you manage this guilt. It’s important to recognize that you are not selfish for prioritizing your own well-being.

Building a Sustainable Support System

The key to long-term financial sustainability for both you and your family is building a support system where everyone is contributing, and not just relying on one person. This may mean encouraging other family members to step up or investing in opportunities that can create a more consistent source of income back home. It could also involve exploring business ventures or investments that benefit the entire family.

Managing black taxing is all about finding balance. While supporting your family is important, your own financial and emotional stability should never be sacrificed in the process. By setting clear boundaries, budgeting wisely, offering alternatives to money, and building a sustainable support system, you can still help your loved ones without falling into the trap of endless requests and entitlement.